Well today sucked. I arrived late to work this morning because of traffic, and of course my boss had to be an asshole about it. “Well, if you can’t be here on time, then don’t come at all!” he yelled. I flicked him off and said, “Gladly.” God, no way I was keeping that job if I was going to take orders from that guy. If it couldn’t get worse, my girlfriend broke up with me. Apparently not having a job “takes the fun out of the relationship”. Well, since I have no job and I’m single, I only have one thing to do, and that’s to hit the local pub.
“Hey Mac!” the bartender, Blake, says, “I haven’t seen you in a while. Is there anything I can get you?” “Yeah,” I reply, “A beer, please.” As I’m drinking to my sorrows, I notice something going on near the pool table. This small guy seems to be getting harassed by what seems to be a biker gang. Taking one last gulp, I walk down to them to see what the problem is.
“Listen, asshole, you owe me 20 bucks for that game.”
“No way, man! One of your guys knocked the eight ball in!”
I walk in between the man and who seems to be the leader of the gang. “Whoa, fellas, what seems to be the problem here?” The biker glares at me. “Well, this little bitch isn’t giving me the money that I rightfully earned. Anyway, who the hell are you supposed to be?” “I’m, um, just a guy,” I say. The biker smiles, “Well, “just a guy”, maybe you can help bail out this punk here.” “What?” I retort, “Why the hell would I do that?” The biker frowns. “Listen, idiot, that ain’t a question.” Knowing what’s about to go down, I stare at my unfortunate comrade. “Hey, you have any-…” He punches me in the face and runs, “Screw you man!”
The biker grabs me by my collar as four of his cronies surround me. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’s going on here, Wade?” Blake says as he runs up with a baseball bat. The biker, who I guess is Wade, pats me on the shoulder. “I was just going to take my friend out for some fresh hair.” I’m about to argue with him, but then I feel a blade press against my back. I gulp as I’m led outside the pub and into an alley.
“Listen, fool, tell me which pocket had your money, so I don’t have to relieve them from you pants.” “Back right!” I yell, “It’s in my back right pocket.” Wade takes my wallet out and pushes me into a dumpster. “100 dollars, eh? Well, I’m sure that’ll cover the expenses.” He laughs as he walks up into the bar.
I wait until I know I’m alone to walk home. I curse my life, the pub, the gang, basically everything, under my breath. So what now? I lost my job, my girlfriend, I got mugged, and I have to walk home half drunk. Great, just great. As I walk by another alley, I hear a voice speak out to me. “Going somewhere?”
I turn around and groan. What do you know, it’s a hooker. Don’t get me wrong, she’s smoking hot, but at this point I’m just not in the mood. “Listen, girl, I’m not interested. Follow some other guy home.” She rolls her eyes. “Are you sure? A man like you sure looks like he needs company...” The hooker reaches out to grab my arm, only for me to pull it back. “Go away you whore!” I hiss between my teeth. She glares at me. “Sure, right after this.” She then leans in and kisses me. As if in a trance, I close my eyes and I hold the kiss for at least half a minute.
When I open my eyes, she’s gone. I look around, but I don’t see her anywhere. Where the hell could she have gone? I shrug and I keep walking down the street. Feeling an awful need to find a restroom, I walk into the nearest gas station. The man at the counter looks up and winks at me. That’s odd…anyway, I go into the men’s room. A guy walks out of a stall in front of me. As his glance passes on to me, he stops and gapes. “Girl, what the hell are you doing in here?” I look at him, confused. “What do you m-…” I stop at the sound of my voice. What’s wrong with it? Why is it so high pitched? I look down and gasp. “Uhhhhh, I have to go.” So I leave.
I walk into the women’s room and stare at the mirror. Instead of seeing myself, I see the hooker staring back. What did that bitch do to me? I move my hands around the hooker’s body, which is obviously mine now. I feel the curves of my waist, the silkiness of my hair, the emptiness of my groan, and the softness of my breasts. “My god, this feels so weird.” What do I do now? Where do I go? Better yet, who am I, now?
All of a sudden, a switch turns in my head. I grip it and say “Oh my god, like what just happened?” I gape at the mirror. “I feel like my mind is in, like, girl mode.” Suddenly, images start flowing through my head, such as the men I’ve slept with in the past, what my new name is (Madison), what type of dog I probably own, and many other things. For some weird reason, I feel a strange acceptance towards what happened. I look in the mirror and I smile. “This is actually starting to feel good. After all, I do have a whole night to have fun.” Giggling, I walk out of the gas station.
The biker gang was in the middle of a pool game when I walk into the pub. Blake sees me and gapes his mouth. The gang turns around and follows suit. “Is there an…anything I can get you, mam?” the bartender nervously asks. Putting on a confident look, I stroll over towards the gang. “Oh, nothing yet.” I take a pool stick from Wayne, who’s stunned by my look. I take a wad of cash out of my shirt and throw it onto the table. “Drinks are on me, boys.”